December 2010
70 posts
phobia.
upon seeing next to normal yesterday, and realizing it was one of the most incredible things ever created, i also came to the conclusion that my three biggest fears are as follows:
growing old, alone, without anyone to call my own.
losing one of my children.
and last but not least, saying goodbye.
as T clearly pointed out, the last fear is not nearly as extreme as the first two, but i...
never, in my wildest dreams, did i ever think the three of us would do what we did tonight.
i was so caught up in impulsiveness, hatred, and honestly, immaturity. why could i not have so easily viewed the bigger picture? why didn’t i open my eyes? why didn’t i crawl out of my own little world and view the situation, as it truly was? it was none of our faults. it never was. it was...
and now, i sit.
doing nothing more than sob my eyes out. the hurt is more i can bear.
i am watching eat, pray, love.
i want her life more than anything. to travel three of the most beautiful countries? for a year? alone. finding herself? perfection. pure perfection.
i don’t want to do this anymore.
“leave all your love and your longing behind; you cant carry it with you if you...”
well, break down number 344860047271007005480 on the ride home.
dropped c off at s’s house. the 15 minutes alone were much needed.
my fault.
i realized yesterday how quickly life can be taken from you.
even if it isn’t your fault, even if you are at a standstill stop.
i am lucky that my sister and i got out with nothing more than a tense, sore, back.
be thankful for each day, for you never know what it will bring.
